Much Ado About Hogwarts
by LMR
Summary: I decided to make my favorite Shakespeare into a Harry Potter fic. Sounds absurd, but it works! Pairing: RW/HG and HP/GW
1. The Cast

Much Ado About Hogwarts  
  
Chapter 1 – The Cast  
  
Disclaimer: I own a notebook with the Gryffindor logo on it, but that's as close as I come to owning Harry Potter. Also, no one is EXACTLY sure who wrote the works of Shakespeare, but I assure you, I did not.  
  
A/N: Please R&R! Much appreciated.  
  
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Cast of Characters:  
  
Professor Dumbledore – The Headmaster of Hogwarts  
  
Ginny Weasley – A lovely young student  
  
Hermione Granger – Ginny's best friend, also a student  
  
Lavender  
  
Parvati – Friends of Ginny and Hermione  
  
Bill Weasley – Hogwarts Alumnus  
  
Harry Potter – A Quidditch Player for Gryffindor  
  
Ron Weasley – Another Quidditch Player for Gryffindor, HP's best friend  
  
Neville Longbottom – A bad singer  
  
Seamus – A student  
  
Draco Malfoy – A jerk  
  
Crabbe  
  
Goyle – Malfoy's stooges  
  
Fred and George Weasley – Goofballs who are supposed to keep order in Gryffindor  
  
Percy Weasley – Head boy  
  
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Pretty self-explanatory so far. For the sake of this story, pretend the 'good guys' don't yet know what a jerk Malfoy is. 


	2. The Homecoming

Much Ado About Hogwarts  
  
Chapter 2 – The Homecoming  
  
Disclaimer: I own Harry Potter! The video, that is. I don't own the story. Same with Shakespeare.  
  
A/N: The Gryffindor House Quidditch team has just returned from Beauxbatons where they kicked quidditch butt.  
  
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Professor Dumbledore was not supposed to pick favorites among his students. It wasn't nice. But the fact was, he really liked Harry Potter, the Weasleys, and Hermione Granger. They were such nice children, and he talked with them when he got the chance. He walked down the hall now with Ginny and Hermione.  
  
Oliver Wood hurried over to the three as they walked. "Professor! We're back! We won!!! Hardly anyone even got hurt!"  
  
Dumbledore smiled. "That makes the win all the better."  
  
"Harry Potter did wonderfully. He really did win the game for us." Ginny blushed. She adored Harry.  
  
"I'm glad to hear that," Dumbledore said.  
  
Hermione poked Oliver. "Did his Great Soddiness come back without any broken bones?"  
  
Oliver looked confused. "Who?"  
  
Ginny rolled her eyes. "She's talking about my brother, Ron."  
  
"Oh, he's back, fine and dandy."  
  
Hermione continued. "How many points did he score? I bet him that for every goal he made, I would eat a toad."  
  
Dumbledore shook his head. "Oh, Miss Granger. You are too hard on the boy. But I have no doubt he'll put in a word or two about you." He turned to Oliver. "Don't take her seriously. They really are good friends. It's a game they play, getting into rows. They both enjoy it."  
  
"He would enjoy it more if he had half a brain to understand my jokes. How's Harry. I pity him really. Being around Ron all the time, he must miss intellegent conversation."  
  
At this point, Bill Weasley, who had graduated from Hogwarts a few years back, walked over to the group. He had been at the quidditch match to see Gryffindor play. "Good to see you again, Professor," he said to Dumbledore. "Ginny!" He picked his little sister up and swung her around. She giggled. "You've grown, Munchkin." Ron and Harry came close behind Bill.  
  
Ron rolled his eyes at the attention Ginny was getting, first from Bill, then, to his great annoyance, from Harry. "She's the same little prat she was when we left."  
  
"Why do you bother talking, Ron?" Hermione said. "No one is listening to you."  
  
"Well, if it isn't the All Mighty Know-It-All! Why are you still here?"  
  
"Why should I go anywhere?" Hermione answered. "Next to you, I look even more brilliant than I really am. Your stupidity is a nice contrast."  
  
Ron smirked. "That's funny. All the other girls seem to think I'm quite clever. Shame for them, really, that I'm not interested."  
  
"How lucky for the girls of Hogwarts!" Hermione breathed a fake sigh of relief. "I feel sorry for any girl YOU would fancy. That's one thing we agree on anyway. Boys are stupid. I wouldn't go to the Yule Ball with a date to save my life!"  
  
Now it was Ron's turn to look relieved. "You keep that resolution, and all the boys of Gryffindor will celebrate. You could turn any boy into a toad just by looking at him with that horrible death glare of yours."  
  
"I give that look to you all the time, and you never change." She looked like she had just realized something. "That's right, you already are a toad!"  
  
"You have a big mouth!" Ron said right back, ignoring the fact that they were becoming quite a spectacle.  
  
"At least when I talk out of my big mouth something intellegent comes out!"  
  
"Well," Ron couldn't think of anything clever to say, so he simply stuck out his tongue.  
  
"Oh, THAT'S intellegent!"  
  
At this point, Draco Malfoy entered the hall. Dumbledore didn't completely trust Malfoy, but he was a student, and he had to be fair to all students. "Hello, Mister Malfoy. I am sorry that Slytherin didn't make it to the quidditch finals."  
  
"Thank you," Draco said cooly, with a bit of slime in his voice. All of them headed down the hallway while Ron and Harry hung back a bit.  
  
"Hey, Ron." Harry was staring. "Your sister."  
  
"What about her?"  
  
"She's changed over the summer. She doesn't look like a little kid anymore. She's pretty."  
  
"Ew."  
  
"I'm serious, Ron. I like her."  
  
"You've got to be kidding Harry. She's my kid sister!"  
  
"Well, good thing you're not the one that likes her then. I can like her. I know I said I didn't want to go to the Yule Ball with a date this year, but if she would go with me. . ."  
  
"Yech."  
  
Bill noticed that they had lost two of their ranks. He went back to find them. "What are you two whispering about?"  
  
"Harry has a thing for Ginny!" Ron said with disgust. Harry blushed.  
  
Bill smiled. "Cool."  
  
"Cool?????!!!!!!" Ron looked utterly defeated. "It's disgusting!"  
  
Bill just smiled. "Someday you'll fall in love, Ron."  
  
"NEVER," Ron said with an aire of determination.  
  
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Meanwhile, Malfoy, Crabbe, and Goyle were talking in Slytherin's common room. "I will find a way," Malfoy said. "I promise you that. I will find a way to ruin Harry Potter!"  
  
"Why?" Crabbe asked.  
  
"Becuase I'm the bad guy, stupid!"  
  
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Please R&R! Luv ya! 


	3. Popping the Question (No, Not THAT Quest...

Much Ado About Hogwarts  
  
Chapter 3 – Popping the Question (No Not THAT Question)  
  
Disclaimer: I see nothing. I know nothing. I own nothing.  
  
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To celebrate the Gryffindor victory, the entire school had a masked ball.  
  
Dumbledore, Ginny, and Hermione entered the Great Hall. After Dumbledore says a few words of congradulations to the Gryffindor team, the students began to dance.  
  
"Don't you WANT a boyfriend, Hermione?" Ginny asked her friend.  
  
"Yech," was Hermione's only response.  
  
Ginny just rolled her eyes, sure she didn't mean it. "Come on. Let's find dancing partners!"  
  
Bill, wearing a very attractive dragon mask, found Ginny in the crowd. He recognized her hair from behind her mask of a kitten.  
  
"Ginny, dear. There is a young man who wishes to speak with you." Ginny grinned at Hermione.  
  
"Hello," a voice said shyly from behind a mask.  
  
"Hello."  
  
"You look lovely."  
  
"Thank you. You look quite nice, too. What I can see of you, anyway." The boy was wearing a banchee mask.  
  
"I adore you, Ginny. Will you go to the Yule Ball with me?"  
  
"Who's under there?"  
  
Suddenly, she heard her brother's voice behind her. "It's Harry, you great prat!"  
  
"Ron!" They both hissed. "Go find someone to dance with," Ginny told him.  
  
"Yes, Harry." Harry and Ginny danced, both very excited for the Yule Ball.  
  
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"Who told you?" Hermione demanded from behind her mask. The goblin's head shook.  
  
"No."  
  
"At least tell me who you are." She said.  
  
"No," replied Ron/Goblin.  
  
"He said I was an ninny, and that my insults were stale. What does he know? He's an idiot. I wish he had come to talk to me."  
  
"Who?" asked the goblin innocently.  
  
"Ron Weasley. Surely you know him?"  
  
Ron/Goblin shook his head. "Who is he?"  
  
"He's the laughing stock of Gryffindor. He's a moron who thinks he's quite funny."  
  
"If I see him, I'll tell him what you said."  
  
Hermione shrugged. "He'll just say the same things about me, and when nobody laughs at his jokes, he'll get all depressed and won't eat. Yadda, yadda, yadda."  
  
"Would you like to dance?"  
  
"Well, alright, but where's Ron?"  
  
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"I hate her!" Ron whined to Bill and Harry. "She said all kinds of horrible things about me. She is so aggravating!"  
  
"Hey, look," Bill pointed. "Here she comes."  
  
"Send me to do something," Ron begged. "Anything. I'll go talk to Professor Trelawney, You can use me as the replacement quaffle, you can transfigure me into a worm! But please – give me some excuse to leave. I don't want to talk to her!"  
  
"But all we want is your company!" Bill said jovially as Harry laughed. Ron stormed away.  
  
Hermione turned to Ginny. "Is it true?"  
  
"Yes," Harry answered. "We're going the Yule Ball." There were hugs all around.  
  
Hermione said goodbye to everyone and headed for the dormatories.  
  
"She's never going to get a boyfriend," Harry remarked.  
  
"She'd be perfect for Ron," Bill pointed out. They all looked at him like he had a duck on his head.  
  
"I can't believe we have to wait five whole days for the Yule Ball! I'm going to go bonkers!" Ginny said.  
  
Bill grinned. "I know how we can pass the time." The other two looked at him. "We will take on an impossible task: we'll get Hermione and Ron to go to the Yule Ball... together.  
  
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Please R&R! 


	4. An Evil Plot

Much Ado About Hogwarts  
  
Chapter 4 – An Evil Plan  
  
Disclaimer: I am not J.K. Rowling or Shakespeare. (D'oh!)  
  
A/N: Thank you SO MUCH for all the reviews! I love you guys!  
  
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Goyle, Crabbe, and Malfoy went back to the Slytherin common room after the ball. Draco had a brilliant and evil plan. "So," he said in his most evil voice. "Harry Potter thinks he has a date for the ball, does he." He grinned. "We'll see about that."  
  
"I know!" Crabbe said. (This was rare for Crabbe-usually he didn't know anything.)  
  
"Let's hear it," Malfoy demanded.  
  
"I've been seeing Hermione's roommate, Lavender. She doesn't know how evil I am. I can convince her to wear a red wig and kiss her by the window. We can make sure Potter sees it!"  
  
"How the heck did you get such a good idea? Did Snape give you a smart potion?" Malfoy sniggered.  
  
Crabbe frowned with concentration. "I don't think so." 


	5. Setting the Trap

Much Ado About Hogwarts  
  
Chapter 5 – Setting the Trap  
  
Disclaimer: If someone told you that I own Harry Potter or Shakespeare, they are clearly delusional. Please ignore them.  
  
A/N: Thank you, thank you, thank you for the R&R! Also, there has been a change of cast – Hagrid, not Seamus is the bad singer!  
  
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Ron walked out to the gardens by Hagrid's cabin alone. He wanted to play Wizard's chess, but he didn't really want to talk. He bewitched the board to play on its own. Finally, a worthy opponnent! He muttered to himself as he walked. "How can Harry be so stupid! In love! Yuck! Not me, not ever!"  
  
A little way away, out of sight, Bill pleaded with Professor Dumbledore. "I know it's silly Professor, but it will be great fun!"  
  
"I don't know if it's a good idea, young Weasley."  
  
Harry, who was also with them, came up with an argument. "It will make them stop having rows!"  
  
Dumbledore looked convinced. "Okay, okay, I'll do it."  
  
Harry jabbed Bill. "See where he is?" The others nodded. "Hey, Hagrid, he called to the cabin. Hagrid was sitting on the steps. "Play us a tune!" Harry said jovially. Hagrid played his flute. (Music by John Williams)  
  
"That's really good, Hagrid!" Bill called up.  
  
"Yech," was Ron's only comment. He had just gotten his Wizard's Chess set up perfectly.  
  
"Hey, Harry," Bill said. "What did you tell me earlier about Hermione being in love with Ron?"  
  
Hearing this, Ron slipped and chess peices went everywhere. They grumbled, picking themselves back up.  
  
"Who would have thought?" Harry asked.  
  
"Indeed," Dumbledore added. "Of all the boys in the school, you wouldn't think she fancied him, but I've heard her say so."  
  
"No way," was all Ron could manage.  
  
"Think she's faking it?" Bill asked, sniggering.  
  
"I'm certain she's not!" Dumbledore replied.  
  
Harry poked Bill and hissed, "We've got him!"  
  
"It can't be a joke," Ron thought aloud. "Even Dumbledore says so!"  
  
"Ginny says that she writes him love letters, but tears them all up!" Harry added.  
  
"Do you think we should tell him?" Bill asked.  
  
"No," Harry said firmly. "If he found out, they would have an awful row and might never recover.  
  
"Too bad," Bill said, barely able to contain his laughter. "She 's a wonderful girl."  
  
"Definitely," Harry added. "She's very smart. I mean, except for being in love with Ron."  
  
"Hey!" Ron shouted loud enough to be heard. The others clasped their hands over their mouths laughing.  
  
"We better head back to the dorms," Harry said, standing. "It's almost dinner time!" He poked Bill. "Let's send 'Mione to call him to dinner." They giggled.  
  
When they were gone, Ron came out of the bushes. "I can't believe this. Hermione???! Well, I didn't think that I liked her, but she's very nice. And definitely very pretty, and smart. I don't want to hurt her feelings. Just for a while, I'll pretend to be in love with her. We can still have rows, just joking. Oh, Gosh, she's coming!" He straightened himself up. "Wow, she's pretty." He shook it off.  
  
"They sent me to get you for dinner," she said completely without enthusiasm.  
  
"That's sweet of you, Hermione," Ron said in his nicest voice.  
  
She looked at the redhead as if he were nuts. "Right. You've got some dirt on your nose, right there."  
  
She turned haughtily and hurried back to the great hall.  
  
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Please R&R! 


	6. Ginny's Trap

Much Ado About Hogwarts  
  
Chapter 6 – Ginny's Trap  
  
Disclaimer: Nobody reads these anyway.  
  
A/N: Thanks so much for the reviews. I made a dumb mistake in the last chapter, Hagrid was the bad flute player, not the bad singer. No bad singer.  
  
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As Hermione rushed to the great hall, she was intercepted by Parvati. "Hurry, Hermione!" She urged. "I just saw Ginny Weasley and Lavender talking over in the garden. They're talking about YOU! If you stand behind these bushes, they won't see you." Hermione ducked behind the bushes.  
  
Ginny was prepping Lavender before they got to where Hermione could hear. "Remember – only say good things about my stupid brother."  
  
"There she is," Lavender whispered and pointed.  
  
Ginny raised her voice. "I don't think so, Lavender. She's too stuck on herself."  
  
Hermione just rolled her eyes.  
  
"But are you sure Ron really loves her that much?" Lavender asked. Hermione's eyes widened. They couldn't be talking about her.  
  
"Bill says so, and so does Harry. His brother and best friend, they ought to know."  
  
Lavender was excited now. "Do you think we should tell her?"  
  
"Harry thought I should, but I managed to talk him out of it. I told Harry he should try to get over her."  
  
"Why? He certainly deserves someone as good as Hermione." Yikes, they really were talking about her.  
  
"Yes, he really does, but you know 'Mione. She could never really love a boy. She'd be so cruel if she knew."  
  
"I can't believe that the brilliant Hermione Granger is too foolish to know a really good guy when she sees him. Too bad." Lavender paused a moment "Wow, the Yule Ball is tomorrow, already. I'm so excited for it!"  
  
"Me, too!" Ginny changed her voice to a whisper. "We've got her!"  
  
They left, and Hermione came out of hiding. "I can't believe this! RON? In love with ME? It makes no sense!" But the more she thought about it, the more it DID make sense. "He is my best friend, I never meant to hurt him, I was just joking around. Maybe I could make an exception for the Yule Ball. I really would like to go with him. He's very nice really."  
  
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	7. The Evilness of Malfoy

Much Ado About Hogwarts  
  
Chapter 7 – The Evilness of Malfoy  
  
Disclaimer: I am not J.K. Rowling, so I hope she doesn't sue me (of course, she should be too busy with that book five to sue poor little college students.) I don't think I need to worry about Shakespeare suing me, seeing as he can't figure out who he is, and whoever it is is most likely dead.  
  
A/N: I am greedy for more wonderful reviews! I love you guys! Reviewers are the best! Remember, the characters don't know Malfoy is evil.  
  
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When Harry and Bill came into the common room, they were immediately overwhelmed by the smell of cologne. They laughed hysterically upon discovering the culprit, a very neatly dressed (for a change) Ron Weasley. "I am a changed man," he announced triuphantly.  
  
Harry burst into laughter. "Changed into WHAT?"  
  
Bill looked him over. "Could it be my sweet little brother is in love?"  
  
Ron became defensive. "No!" He stormed out of the common room in a huff. The other boys just laughed.  
  
There was a knock on the portrait. "What's the password?"  
  
Harry shook his head. "Neville must have forgotten again. Gobbledegoo!" He called. The portrait opened. "Malfoy, you're not supposed to be here."  
  
"I know, I'm sorry, but I need to speak to you, both of you." He looked at Harry. "Is it true you're going with Ginny Weasley to the ball?"  
  
"Duh," Bill replied.  
  
"You would not say 'duh' if you knew what I know. I'm very sorry, but I have to tell you this as a friend, even if it makes me seem like a jerk." He paused for dramatic effect. "She's cheating on you, Potter. I know you probably don't believe me. I can prove it. I can sneak you into the Slytherin common room tonight. Bring your invisibility cloak. She is meeting Crabbe there tonight. The password is mwahahahaha."  
  
Bill frowned. "Your password is evil laughter?"  
  
Malfoy shrugged. "Snape's idea."  
  
Harry thought for a minute. "Okay," he said. "I really do think Ginny is innocent, but just in case I see something, I'll humiliate her at the ball."  
  
Malfoy looked impressed. "That's pretty evil. . . for a Gryffindor."  
  
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	8. Smeg heads and Head Boys

Much Ado About Hogwarts Chapter 9 Smeg heads and Head boys Disclaimer: Okay, so you may think I am J. K. Rowling because it took so long to get this written (rim shot) but I'm not. I don't think I'm Shakespeare either, but who knows, I've never had a past life regression. . . Okay, I'm pretty sure I'm not Shakespeare. A/N: Sorry about the format guys, I don't know why my computer does this when I upload stories. Try to bear with me. And if anybody knows how to fix it, please tell. R&R and I'll give you a cookie! Oatmeal. Okay, you win, chocolate chip. ************************************************************* Fred frowned, his freckled face registering annoyance. "Do you suppose we're really fit to be prefects? George put a smile on his identical face. "If we weren't supposed to be prefects, we wouldn't be." "That's some logic you've got there, my fine brother. I can't believe I never thought of that!" Fred saw an opportunity to flex his vocabularious muscles. "Who do you think is best discomfitted for head boy this year?" George rolled his eyes. "Percy, of course. Percy's always head boy. Ah, speak of the Devil! Percy, just the head boy we wanted to see!" "See," Fred started. "Having so much power, being head boy and all." "What do you want?" Percy smelled trouble. George continued. "Well, there's an important quidditch game coming up." "The finals," Fred piped up. "We're going to need our seeker in tip-top condition." George this time. Fred turned Percy towards him. "And with the Yule Ball fast approaching. . ." George continued. "You know how cruel young love can be." Fred feigned a swoon. "Make sure nothing happens to make him. . ." "Sulky." Both now. "What am I supposed to do?" Percy wondered, not even half seriously. "Beat off all the girls with a stick?" "Of course not, dear brother," George reassured him. "We would never ask you to do that!" Fred protested. "Only the untrustworthy ones!" George said. "Good luck!" Added Fred. They passed out of the hallway. Then, conveniently for the fanfiction writer, who did not feel like walking to another corridor, Crabbe and Goyle passed by the same area. "It worked?" Goyle could hardly believe it. "Yeah, it was easy. I convinced Parvati that I love redheads." Crabbe laughed. "I had her put on a red wig, then I kissed her right by the window." "And Potter bought it?" Crabbe asked incredulously. "Wow. He's dumber than we are." Goyle nodded in agreement. 


	9. The Really Funny Scene that Wasn't in th...

Much Ado About Hogwarts Chapter 10 The Really Funny Scene That Wasn't In the Brannaugh Movie Disclaimer: I may not be J.K. Rowling or Shakespeare, Mr. O'Connell, but I am proud of what I am. I am a librarian! ************************************************************* Sunlight shone in the girls' dormitory in Gryffindor. Hermione stirred. "Good morning." "Hmmmm. 'Morning, Gin." Hermione didn't seem well. "What's wrong, Hermione?" "I don't feel so good. I don't want to go to classes today." Ginny's eyes must have grown about an inch in diameter. "Well, lucky you, it's Sunday." She couldn't conceal a little smile. Poor 'Mione. She must be feeling REALLY bad. "It's a good thing, too. You - missing class." She turned back to her bed, face out of her friends sight. "Everyone would think you'd gone mad." She continued. "I can't imagine you trying to weasel your way out of that one." Hermione jumped a bit. "Weasel, weasel. What do you mean 'weasel'?" Ginny smiled, still hidden. "What do you mean, what do I mean?" She turned back to face Hermione, trying to look incredulous. "I didn't mean anything." A look of realization crossed her face. "Oh, you think that I think that my brother, you know, thinks of you. No, I don't think that you like my brother. Honest, in fact, I don't think you really could like any guy. Oh, that sounded mean. Anyway, he's the same way. Of course, tastes change, not that my brother is, well, tasty. Eww. Going to a bad mental place. Anyway, you like guys, I'm assuming, and I guess my brother is, technically a guy, although thinking about that is oober ookie." Hermione looked absolutely bumfuddled. "Huh?" 


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